Internet forums and marriage counselor couches are filled with men wanting to know why their wife isn’t attracted to them anymore. The stories are all similar — over the years love and passion are replaced with distance and work.
“There’s no connection…”
“I can feel her slipping away…”
“How to make my wife want me?”
These are all too typical questions — cries for help really. I went through the same struggles and with prayer, hard work, a little luck, and being blessed with a great wife that didn’t want to give up things turned around.
Here are 5 real world ways that you can use today to keep her attracted to you.
Tip #1: Ask Her
Stop guessing what she wants. Stop guessing what she needs. Ask her.
(yes, she’ll probably say that if she has to tell you it’s not worth it… but be persistent.)
Here’s the thing – if you feel that things aren’t right in the marriage odds are she feels the same way (even if she’s not saying anything). As the man you have some very hard things to do:
- You have to connect with your wife emotionally (women are largely emotional).
- You have to be strong and confident.
- You have to have your own house in order.
It starts with asking her and then listening. Don’t judge, don’t interrupt. Listen. Make sure you are doing these things:
- Ask her how she is feeling… and just listen to her answer
- Repeat her answer to her
- Pursue her daily
- Share at least one thing that matters to you every time you talk (but don’t rush things and just blurt this out… it’s always about her first)
- Make sure she can depend on you for dates, dinners, and commitments. Follow through on everything you say.
This is all about establishing trust again. Trust comes before great sex, great romance, and a great marriage. And it starts with listening to her.
Tip #2: Lead By Example
I want to say “be a man” but what it really means is “be a leader”. This is everything from using direct eye contact, touching her tenderly, being open and transparent with your feelings, and expecting the same from her.
The more that you show confidence, assertiveness and tenderness the more your wife will respond in kind.
It is that simple.
You have to find a way to separate yourself from stress at work and everything else that occupies your mind. To get you have to give and the best way to do that is to set the example. It’s the Golden Rule all over again – treat others the way you want to be treated.
Your wife is wired to passionately respect, love, and satisfy you in response to the level of security and love she gets from you.
(btw, there’s a great 6-part email course called “Save My Marriage Today” that really hammered this point home for me and helped a lot. Click here to sign up)
Tip #3: Intimacy On Her Terms
According to the “National Sex Survey,” 51% of married men say they aren’t satisfied with the amount of sex they have in their marriage… Is it pure coincidence that the divorce rate in the US hovers around the exact same number?
I don’t think so.
If you’re one of the 51% you’re not alone. But that’s hardly a consolation. What can you do about it?
Touch and eye contact. Your wife has a deep psychological need for you to touch and look into her eyes passionately. It creates an emotional connection. For her, intimacy is emotional, not physical. It really makes a deep impact on her to engage her with deep, even “piercing” eye contact.
You want your eyes to communicate that you are trustworthy, caring, and the right man for her passions to be unleashed upon. This *is* “intimacy” to her. It’ll get her to open up on what her fears and concerns are. Why she is pulling away. What she wants.
And yes – touch and eye contact build trust and with that increase her physical desire for you.
Tip #4: Look Around For The “No”
Sometimes our physical frustrations make us blind to what’s going on around us. It’s all to easy to focus on the lack of sex and not about the reason behind the reason. Your wife didn’t just wake up one morning frigid (most likely). There’s a reason. And you have to look for clues (and talk to her and most importantly, listen).
Here’s a short laundry list of what could be going on:
- stress about money…
- stress about the kids…
- self esteem and self-image issues
- medication side-effects
- low sex-hormone levels that go up and down with her monthly cycle
- and the list goes on…
Remember — no matter what the reasons are, she won’t be aroused unless her emotional needs are being taken care of.
Tip #5: Push, Pull, Play
You’re frustrated physically. She’s frustrated emotionally. It isn’t going to fix itself overnight or with one night of great sex.
(I wish it were that easy)
But you have to stay in the game. Tease her. Flirt. Play with her. Make sure she knows you are interested in all aspects of her.
When your wife thinks everything with you is about sex that only causes more issues. Remember, it’s about her — it’s about her emotions, her trust, her feelings. But don’t be so serious about all this. Don’t walk on egg shells. Make sure she knows you aren’t going anywhere (you’re committed) and that you still like her, still love her, and still desire her.